Gender Blues
Casually browsing through Facebook, I came across a piece of news. It stated how the SC has allowed a man to divorce his wife as she was mentally harassing him by threatening suicide. The motive behind this was to separate him from his parents financially and emotionally and be able to enjoy his income solely. Very true, no wife should plot to separate a son from his parents. They are the ones who have made him capable of standing on his feet and play a very important part in his life. He should be allowed to fulfill his moral, emotional and financial duties towards his parents. Well, that’s for the men.
But doesn’t it hold true for women too. I don’t think one’s duties towards their parents is something that can be determined by gender roles. These duties may be anything, be it financial, emotional or just plain physical presence as and when required. The society may have its predefined sets of tasks distributed between the genders. But caring for ones parents should certainly be not one of them. What about the parents who only have a girl child!
For giving birth to a son, the mother has to struggle for 9 months and bear the pain of bringing him to this world. Does the process only takes 3 months for a girl with little or no pain. Not at all, be it a boy or a girl, bringing a child to this world, educating him/her, making it capable to stand on it’s feet, all these steps require tremendous amount of sacrifice and struggle from the parent’s part.
Then why does it seem that the rule goes that after marriage a girl has to totally think about her new home and if she dares do something for her home where she has spent every important moment of her life till now brings her to the bad side of the marriage contract. Is it even possible to give up one family for another? No, and am damn sure that is not the expectation also.
Marriage should be a union of two families where you just get one more set of family to love and care for. It is not switching of emotions. It is just sharing of it.
The example in the above case was a genuine one and I totally support the verdict of the court, which led me to think about a few other circumstances which are not completely unheard of.
Stuff Married Women go through on a Day to Day basis
- “He is taking her abroad for a holiday! See he listens to her so much. She has him totally under her thumb making him waste his money on these silly trips”
- “You cannot make a simple dish as this, what have you learnt till date (Comments like these for well educated women in amazing jobs)”
- “Look at her parents, staying at their daughter’s house for so long with no reason at all”
- “Why does she have to leave my son and stay at her parents house for a month? Or why did she pick that project outside city? Does she not understand her responsibility as a wife and daughter-in-law?”
- “He did not come to attend the family function. My son is not like that. Must be her. She is trying to cut him from his family.” (Meanwhile son is busy in a meeting)
If she is supposed to be an integral part of the family then why sometimes the comment comes that she is trying to cut him from his family. Why does every action of the man which is not in compliance to his family’s wishes finally blamed on the daughter-in-law?
Gosh please, the son has a brain of his own. Nobody can program his brain wholly to their wish, not even his wife. May be some of the decisions would have been his and his alone which the world took liberty to pin down on his wife.
Summing Up
The government does have great schemes for the daughters of this country, for their well- being, education and all. In my personal opinion, the world is a much better place for daughters today than it was a few decades back. In every field they are being encouraged by their parents and the Government alike. But I don’t think any harm would come if it became a better place for daughter-in-laws too.
Huh, no doubt India has the highest population of stressed out women.
