The Other Side of the Story- How the Men don’t have it easy either

I did not know how difficult a man’s life could be till I met my husband. Or may be it is just the married man whose life is so difficult. Nonetheless, we have had people screaming about women’s rights everywhere. Most of the tragic stories we come across are of women denied their dreams and career or women who undergo lots of criticism and torture at her in-laws. But as I said, boys don’t have it easy either… Well atleast the good ones don’t. By the good ones, I mean, Men who actually care about their wife’s happiness and dreams but at the same time cannot see their family hurt.

At the time of my engagement, I found it quite amusing as most of the guests especially the guys wished me with a “Congrats” and wished my-would-be husband with an “All the Best”.  It felt as if he was entering a battle zone and I was some villain who got the ultimate power to make his life miserable. I was to figure out the reason soon enough.

Every Man’s Dilemma

Ours was an arranged marriage and from Day 1 itself I could see my husband living in the fear of being tagged a “joru ka ghulam“. I guess he took the fact so seriously that it took him months to be infact able to talk to me freely in the presence of his family. It was like if he talks or listens to me publicly, he would be committing a grave crime against his family. Well, that was what I perceived as a newly married girl..

I narrated to him my observation from our engagement and he told me, “Yes madam, look that is the problem with us. If we hang on to each and every word of our mom’s we are termed a mamma’s boy, not ready to get out of her pallu and if we start taking our wife’s wish into consideration, we immediately become “joru ka ghulam” and the whole family tries to make you feel guilty that you have changed.”

I used to get frustrated at times because in his obsession of not being termed a “joru ka ghulam”, he ignored important stuffs too. But gradually, things changed and they did for the better. Even I began to understand his situation in a different light, because you see that is my problem, I have this very bad habit of getting into people’s shoes and trying to understand why they did what they did. So it is really easy to calm me of my anger as I understand your point of view immediately. What to say, it is a boon and a curse.

I came to see that these are slippery grounds for him and he had to be careful in his dealings with everyone.

The Ultimate Balancing Act

Well, coming back to my story, I remember once when I was really sad and  confronted him, I was amazed to hear what he had to say. He told me if he says anything for me, it is gonna count negative for me in our initial days of the marriage. But if I myself say my opinions and wishes, it will help me get connected to the family. It was then that I realised  this was true.

It has really helped me to build a bond of my own with my mother-in-law. I looked back and I could see that I was able to tell her my problems and point of views myself. I told her myself that we plan to go on a holiday. She became the first person to know if I was not well and would herself send me to take rest. So in a way I give credit to my husband’s sensibility that he helped me achieve a good equation with his parents and family.

If he had jumped in between every minor issue or misunderstanding, I might have been tagged the villain who snatched the son after immediately coming into the family. Ya trust me, people are very judgemental when it comes to newly married girls. Her every move is scrutinized  carefully… Whether she is a home-breaker, son snatcher or etc.. etc…

It is all a matter of time and acceptance… The cold war between the one who raised you or the ones you have grown up with (ya, sometimes sisters can be very possessive too) and the one you are married to has been present since time immemorial. After all that is where all the fodder for our super-hit saas-bahu dramas comes from.

Mythology and History may say that the worlds’s greatest battles were fought over women but let me tell you, the household Mahabharata is fought always over the man.

And that poor man is the one to lose the most as he tries to figure out how to maintain peace between two sides he cares a lot about. And as I always tease my husband, happiest is the man who has a happy wife on one side and a happy mother on the other. The ultimate act of Balancing.

Summing Up

Being the sensible wife that I am, I know there can never be a choice between your family and your partner. They are like your two eyes. And I really appreciate you dear hubby for giving your best in the balancing act. You have always been supportive of all my decisions and I in turn strive to achieve the peace and balance which every family craves for.

But it would be really nice, if you could sometimes uphold my opinion publicly. You can be sure that I would never ask you to take my side in my decision of wearing a short skirt to a family gathering. Ya, you can be sure that I would never do that. Though, it would be fun to look at the expression on everybody’s face but I know how not to misuse your support.

Poor guy, already has to suffer piercing looks from every side. And I am not here to make your life miserable which sadly the good guys entering into a marriage seem to believe. They prepare themselves mentally to get crushed in the war of the Indian family. And they cannot even cry about this injustice because even google does not have the right term for the opposite of FEMINISM.

Don’t forget to check out how gender biases makes a woman’s life difficult post marriage here. Also share with me in the comments below similar experiences you or someone you know might have had.