Is Getting Married Early a Good Idea?

Marriage is an enigma for unmarried people and veterans alike. And the correct time and age… well there is no defined parameter for that. People who got into it early might feel they should have waited. People still waiting might be waiting eagerly.

As a person who got married quite early by today’s standards, I can share through my experiences what it has been like. So if you are facing a similar dilemma and want to know if you are making the right choice, I am sharing what I have felt down the years- the good, the bad and the best.

And for those of you wondering when did I get married… in my early 20s… that’s it…. am not giving further information about my age. 🙂 Take it from someone who has had first hand experience, below are the reasons why getting married early can be a good idea. And also why it may not be.

How getting Married Early Affects You and Should You go for it?

Acceptance & Adjustments

I remember sitting for breakfast alone at my office cafeteria one morning. It was my first year of marriage as well as my job. A lady requested to join me and we got talking. She expressed surprise at my being married as she herself was still contemplating the thought. She might have been in her early 30s, having built up a good career in the past 10-12 years.

Her primary concerns about marriage emerged from the fact that she was so set in her ways, she dreads if she has to change even a bit for someone else.

That is exactly the point am talking about. Once you age and progress, irrespective of your gender, it becomes difficult to make space for someone else. Be it your daily routine or your thought process, you are already set in your ways. In such a scenario, you are really lucky to find someone who shares similar tastes as you or at least accommodating of your quirks.

At a younger age when you are still learning the ways of the world, when your personality is still developing and most importantly, you are still used to having a roommate, it is easier.

Con: The major con here has to do with the fact that you need an equally understanding partner and not a manipulative one. Your partner must never take advantage of you being accommodating.The adjustments has to come from both sides irrespective of the age of getting married.

Travel & Fun

This is my favorite point. When you are young and hitched, you have all of the time in the world to go places and enjoy a series of date nights till you have concerns of your biological clock ticking. This in turn nurtures your relationship deeper and give you a better understanding of each other.

Since me and my husband had an arranged marriage, this point has especially been a blessing for us in our friendship trajectory.

Also let me state as a matter of clear fact that travelling with your kid is never the same as travelling as a couple. Being married early gives you ample time to have the latter before you get into the former.

Con: You might miss travelling or hanging out with your friends. Not only this, I have an entire section dedicated to friends which am gonna talk about next.

Relationship with Friends

Relationship with friends come as one out of two of the major difficulties you face when you marry early. And why is that?

You stop connecting at almost all levels.

Marriage changes you and you are no longer the same person. Your concerns and priorities are a lot different from your single friends. The common ground for conversation is almost non existent. Also you might have internalized the feeling of being odd one out in your circle.

But it gets better. As more and more of your friends start jumping into the marriage wagon, you will start connecting again.

Also your best friends are always gonna be there even if they take the backstage in early years of your marriage. And the best part about true friendships is even if the connection weakens for a time, the bond of love is always there. And am personally lucky to have that select bunch of people in my life.

Note: The reverse is also true for people on the other end of the spectrum. If you are among the last few in your circle to get married, there is a high chance that you have found yourself getting little by little alienated. Again the common ground stops existing at most levels.

Career

The second of the important challenges for a person who gets married really young is career. Being married in your early 20s means that you are yet not where you would want to be career wise.

Being in the initial years of married life as well as the initial years of your job is very very much demanding and emotionally draining. You are in the building years of two of the most important things in your life and your being young and immature does not help your cause.

Finding the right balance is easier said than done. And this is where I would like to emphasize on the previous point. Learning from the mistakes I made, I want to convey to anyone who is going through this particular struggle, is not to alienate yourself from your friends.

Why is this important? You and your friends may not be at the same marital status, but you guys are at the same position i.e. beginners in your work life. Talking it out with them and being connected with them will give you some perspective to plan your work life decisions better.

Summing Up

As it is very very clear from the above points that like everything, getting married early has two sides. We can also say the same for marrying late.

It is a personal choice to make. You need to weigh in your priorities and make a decision. Nobody can have it all, and it is best to have a clear picture of what you might be gaining or losing in either of these decisions.

And most important of all, marriage is a leap of faith. You dive in head first and hang in there. Sometimes even the most calculated decisions does not work for us and sometimes even the most rash ones do. So just take the leap at whatever age you are and take life as it comes.

Also don’t forget to tell me in the comments what was the best thing about getting married at the age you did.

Check out my post on how important it is to have space in your relationship to be the best version of yourself in your relationship.