How to navigate differences in parenting styles between yourselves and also families on both sides

You are back home from the hospital with your baby and both of your hearts are filled with happiness and gratitude. The hospital staff had been taking care of most of your baby needs till the time of discharge and now it is time for you to take over full scale parenting duties. These are tough and untouched grounds especially if you are first time parents. While loving your baby comes naturally to you, everything else like changing the diaper, giving a bath or a massage, understanding your baby’s cues, rocking them to sleep needs to be learnt and perfected with practice.

Your house and your mind is totally taken over by the little bundle sleeping peacefully in a corner. You go through your day juggling between your baby and other stuff and it gets challenging and messy (literally) at times.

Throw in the hormonal, tired and sleep deprived you along with an equally sleep deprived husband of yours in the mix and you get a perfect set up for conflicts and breakdowns.

Looking for answers about What to do when baby won’t sleep. Read here.

Since no two people are the same, you are bound to have disagreements regarding what is good for your baby and how to do certain things. Things can and do get escalated pretty quickly if either or both set of the grandparents and other family members are present. They have their own bunch of advice and guidelines to suggest you with, some of which might not be acceptable to you or your partner. The birth of a baby is a time to rejoice and maintaining peace at home is vital for baby’s healthy growth.

How to navigate differences in parenting styles and maintain peace?

Be Polite in your Reactions

It is true that you will want to do things your own way but at the same time respect the suggestions given by the elders such as your baby’s grandparents. You do not have to agree with them all the time but you don’t have to be vocal about it. Just give them a polite “I will think about it”. Whatever they suggest have worked for them in a different time and world and they say only with the child’s interest in heart.

Avoid Appearing in Conflict between yourselves

• To achieve the above it is very important that you and your partner know each other’s preference. One of the rules which eased navigating for me and my husband was of not agreeing or disagreeing to anything before discussing among ourselves. If a suggestion comes up by any side of the family, none of us shows immediate support or rejection. We will find time to discuss among ourselves about what we want to do with the new advice. The point is never to appear in conflict regarding parenting to your extended family. Whether both of you want the same thing or one is just upholding the choice of the other. Always present a united front. The same will serve you well when you have to present a united front while negotiating with your kids once they grow up. After all knowing how to navigate differences in parenting styles is a skill that is gonna serve you life long.

Do Your Research

• How do we decide whose suggestions or ideas are to be followed? Is it good to let only one partner have the final say? Should we blindly discard every suggestion we get from other family members in the overconfidence that we know best? No, not at all. It is important to weigh things for their merits and demerits. Seek advice from new parents around you. Follow some good blogs online. Don’t hesitate to consult your doctor for clarifications. Take an informed decision. Don’t let any ego like “Mom knows best” or “it is my child and I will see” come between deciding what is best for your child.

• I will share one instance of such a decision taking. Kajal (kohl) is applied extensively on baby’s eyes all over India. A small dot on the side of the head the only association I wanted to keep with kajal. A few members in family kept on mentioning how it is good and that they have applied to the eyes for all their babies. I was not so keen on that. Firstly, it was not easy to apply in the sense that I feared hurting the baby’s eyes. Secondly, I felt it to be a risk for eye infections. My husband was personally neutral in the matter. But not to straight away reject some age old practice, I did my research. I also consulted my baby’s doctor who was strongly in favour of no kajal application in the eyes.

Summing Up

What I am trying to say is not to reject suggestions on a whim. Explore and arrive at solutions.

Parenting is a lifelong learning. People will have advice and suggestions. Take what suits you best. And the worst that you can do is rejecting stuff only because it comes from your in-laws side of the family. You have been partners long before you became parents. Become parenting partners now and take a decision together regarding things without leaving grounds for conflicts. Setting up boundaries in parenting is of course the way to go. It will help to keep the atmosphere amicable at home.

They say it takes a village to raise a child. You might not realize it in the earlier stages but as time goes by and your newborn grows up, you will understand the true meaning of this. After all, your family is there to help and support you. Your child is gonna learn so much as well as receive indisputable love from them. Their beliefs and experiences might not always agree with you but remember you are all the happy home that your child is gonna grow up in.

Happy Parenting.