The Baton of Gender Neutral Parenting
All of us had a good laugh watching Ross Geller struggle so hard to change his son’s mind from Barbie to Monster Trucks or GI Joe. (Friends S3 Ep4). Meanwhile Ben who was still a toddler did not associate simple things like toys with any gender and totally loved his barbie. We may have enjoyed the humour but we are also aware of the deep rooted gender stereotyping it brought forward which begin as early as toddlerhood.
Kids have no association with gender at such a young age. Pink and Blue are just colors. Watching a car go on the road is fun. Watching a butterfly sit on a flower is beautiful. Both equally fascinating for them. I have personally seen my toddler play with her dolls and soft toys with the same enthusiasm as blocks and cars.
The gender based stereotyping of toys, clothes or regular household stuff is so subtle that we might not even realise that we are doing it. For instance how many times have you found yourself going for a gun or a car while gifting a boy and a doll or a kitchen set while gifting a girl. The years of marketing targeted at promoting construction toys and action figurines for boys and dolls and pretend play toys for girls have conditioned us to think like that.
It is no hidden fact that we are the generation of girls who have enjoyed the maximum opportunities for education, jobs and decision making as compared to the previous generations. The credit goes to our parents for raising strong, independent women, leaving a mark in every field of adult life. That is how the society functions. Each generation trying its bit burn the gap between the genders.
Us millenial moms are best suited to carry this baton further and to eliminate more and more of society’s gender biases which start right from early childhood. For starters, below are the few things where we can make a difference.
Toys
As I mentioned earlier that the years of marketing trend has conditioned us to think that construction toys, cars, guns and action figurines are for boys. At the same time dolls and pretend play toys are for girls.
Make a conscious effort to not give into these biases in the early stages of development of your child. Give them exposure to various options and let them have their pick. As they grow up they themselves will develop interest towards some and a few will become their favourites. Avoid steering them in specific direction using gender stereotyping. It limits their interests which in turn limits their potential. Picking toys is probably the easiest and earliest thing you can do toward gender neutral parenting.
Colors
Let’s be frank. Associating colors with gender in childhood is just meaningless. I mean who cares about that “Pink is for girls and Blue is for boys” stuff. Hell, who even made that rule. Color is just color for them and lets preserve that for as long as we can. They don’t care whether you dress them in blue, pink or brown as long as they are comfortable.
Maybe if we can build it in them to look at colors in a neutral way, no boy will be ever ashamed to admit that he likes pink.
No Gender Biased Shaming
As surprising it may sound but I feel boys are more prone to gender biased shaming involving things like toys, games or choice of favourite characters.
Girls playing with guns and being an Avengers fan is far more acceptable than boys participating in pretend plays or being say a Little Mermaid fan. Encouraging boys to show less of their emotions, telling girls how they need to show more of organizing skills are all gender biases which are propagated without people realising it on a day to day basis.
Gender Neutral Household Chores
This is for a bit grown up kids. Like school going and pre-teens. Stop categorizing chores gender wise for them.
Your boy or your girl can get water if any family member is thirsty and even for each other i.e. don’t make serving a girl’s job.
Similarly make the girl run a few errands. It’s not always the brothers job to manage outside chores.
Being able to serve oneself. Handling outside errands. These are not any gender specific jobs. These are life skills which each individual should be comfortable in doing. For instance while living alone, your daughter would need to run the errands for herself. Similarly your son will have to get up and get food and water for himself. There is no shame associated when it comes to life skills.
Basically when we raise kids in a gender neutral environment, they are bound to grow up into more independent individuals free from the shackles of any sort of gender stereotyping. A fully functional individual who respects every role and person in their adult life.
Also they don’t have their potentials limited due to prior conditioning.
Tell me about what else do you think can be freed of gender stereotyping in the comments below. Happy Parenting!
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What an important topic! As a mom and teacher this is something I need to be reflective and mindful about. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you. Being mindful is the way due to the years of social conditioning.
When I was growing up (dinosaur years ago) my siblings and I played with what toys we had regardless of whether it was a toy for boys or girls. We also all had chores to do both inside and out. Seems when I was raising my own kids gender-specific toys were more of a “thing” and that has continued. I do agree to let kids play with whatever they are drawn to. Expose them to the variety of life.
True. It’s best to let them decide what interests them the most.
It is an interesting read. I’m a little bit conservative but I was already thinking about neutral gender parenting. My oldest son loves princesses and colorful clothes.
Thank you. Yes kids don’t associate simple things like colour with gender.
It is so tricky to get this right when we were raised so differently in a different era. But thanks for the insight and the reminder to just keep an open mind and not force our own agendas on our kids. They are their own people.